Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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