Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
