i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You dont lie about slip and slides
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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