Duck Duck Cougar?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
