Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
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At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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