after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
