I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
