I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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