you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
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Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
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That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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