Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
