I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
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I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
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Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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