finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
