honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
