If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
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