he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
