at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
