I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
