My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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