so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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