Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
