For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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