i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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