ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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