his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
