Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
