i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
