After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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