Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
