Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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