There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
