I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
