One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
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I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
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Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Pants are for mortals
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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