ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
