I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
