nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't think brook has ever known best
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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