why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
