Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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