24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
