He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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