Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
