Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
