My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
