I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
