break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
