Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
