I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
