I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
