I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
