If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
