dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
