I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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