I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
