I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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