So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
