It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
