Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
