I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
