He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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