Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
