it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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