I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
