just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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