My cat gives me a boner
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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