I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
