I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
