conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
