it wasn't lemon gatorade
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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