You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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