if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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