kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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