Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
