Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Randomize
