carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
operation harelip BJ is a go
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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