Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
