it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
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I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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