so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
